Seven2Six: Past 2 Present

After having that talk with you, I cried. I cried on the inside; I would never let a tear slip in public. It’s been a while since we’ve talked. I know every time one of you guys ask me the same questions, I would reply with the same answers. I tell you guys not to worry and that I’ll eventually take care of it, but in reality, it’s becoming harder and harder.

I’m a rebel at heart. I don’t like people telling me what to do, especially if it’s my parents. In fact, I tend to do the opposite. In another case, I haven’t done much. I know He has done a lot for me, but I’m like that son that never comes home to spend time with his family. Therefore, I don’t have the best relationship with Him as I have hoped. With my “family”, everyone has found a group they can call their own. As for me, I have found a group that I can call my own, but it’s not the same as you guys. I know I should be doing it for my own sake, but there’s so many things that are hindering me from doing so.

I look around and all I see are differences. It’s like I’m trying to reach out, but I’m really not. It’s like I’m calling out, but I’m not really saying anything. People around are so different, so how do I expect myself to squeeze my way in?

Winter quarter is almost over, and I know I will be seeing you guys again. I know you guys will ask me the same questions, and unfortunately, I have returned home with the same answer. It’s been a little less than two years and I’m the only one that hasn’t found a group yet.

Maybe as time goes on, this rebel inside me will eventually grow up too.

Tags: gloomy, thoughts

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